


All the more, because it’s you

by notdenisa



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Study, Sex Toys, Slice of Life, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 01:26:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21365881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notdenisa/pseuds/notdenisa
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto navigate life.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 34
Kudos: 245





	All the more, because it’s you

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my dearest beta notlena, my biggest cheerleader and honestly the reason this was even finished.

"You always smell so nice,” Naruto says, his face pressed to Sasuke’s neck. It's a weird thing to say, especially because Sasuke sincerely doubts it's true. He probably smells alright right now, after a day of not much physical activity, but he definitely doesn’t always. He’s usually pretty sweaty and gross, but Naruto sounds a little bit like he’s trying to flirt, and a lot like he’s complaining so Sasuke hums in agreement to humour him. 

Naruto’s weird about those things sometimes. He likes it when Sasuke pulls his hair really hard during sex, and when he’s sad, he likes it when Sasuke lays on top of him. _ “Squish me,” _Naruto had said, that first time, and Sasuke did, and Naruto let out a happy little sound, like a satisfied cat. So, it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility that he just likes the smell of Sasuke’s sweaty armpits. That’s fine. They are all perfectly harmless things and Sasuke doesn’t mind indulging Naruto at all. Most of the time.

He lets Naruto sniff him, and pulls on Naruto's hair a little bit. The blond lets out a soft, broken whimper that goes straight to Sasuke's dick. So, maybe he's not actually so selfless when it comes to those weird things Naruto likes. They're hot, sometimes. And Naruto's hot, like, all of the time, all tanned skin and sun-coloured hair. And Sasuke is only human.

They're both pretty much the same size but Naruto is just a little bit taller, his shoulders just a little bit broader and that's attractive too, somehow. Naruto's skin is perfectly smooth, with no blemishes in sight, Kurama's crazy healing abilities leaving no marks behind. In comparison, Sasuke's skin looks almost ghastly. Pale and scarred, with pink and white gashes scattered everywhere. Two of his toes are crooked, healed completely wrong. 

He has fucking track marks from Orochimaru's daily “IV drips”, and they are the only marks on his body he actually, truly hates. He knows that he could probably find a skilled, discreet healer who would be able to get rid of them, but he likes looking at them, sometimes. To remind himself just how high exactly the heights of his stupidity can go. Whenever Naruto catches him looking at them, he forces himself into Sasuke's line of sight and says something to the extent of: “Stop fucking punishing yourself, asshole.”

Sasuke doesn't think of it as punishment, and even if it is, he certainly deserves that and much more.

* * *

Sasuke licks the flavouring powder off of the chip and smacks his lips. He sees Sakura scrunch her nose in distaste and maintains eye contact with her while he licks the other side of the chip.

“Nasty,” Sakura says, shaking her head. “Just nasty. You are such a fucking weirdo sometimes, Uchiha.” 

Sasuke shrugs, popping the chip into his mouth and says, still chewing, “Naruto doesn’t think I’m weird.” He wants to smack himself immediately after, but it’s out already.

“Of course he doesn’t. He loves your weirdo ass,” Sakura rolls her eyes. She sounds resigned. Sasuke swallows past the feeling that rises in his throat at her words. Naruto tells him he loves him all the damn time, but it still feels different, when other people say it. He tries not to dwell on it too much.

* * *

The zit on Sasuke's chin is gigantic. It's also not quite ready to be popped, yet, but Sasuke presses his fingers around it anyway. It would be much easier if he had two hands, but he will make do. He has the experience. 

“You are not supposed to pop 'em, you know,” Naruto says, from above Sasuke's shoulder. _ And how would you know? _ Sasuke wants to ask. Kurama, it seems, likes his vessels acne-free.

“So? You are not supposed to defect from your village to apprentice under infamous missing-nin, either,” Sasuke shrugs instead, pressing down on his chin. The zit gives up some blood and a tiny bit of puss. It stings and is terribly unsatisfying.

“You are such an asshole, I can't believe it,” Naruto grunts, already stalking off.

* * *

"You used to love me, Sakura,” Sasuke complains into Sakura’s shoulder as she tugs the bottle of vodka out of his hand. “C’mon, give it back.”

He watches Sakura take a swing and wince. She doesn’t give him back the bottle. “Yeah, that ship has sailed a long _ long _ time ago.”

“Why don’t you love me?” Sasuke whines, just a little bit louder and reaches for the bottle. Sakura doesn’t fight him for it. 

“Because you are, like, deliriously gay, and I actually do have some self-respect,” she replies, as Sasuke takes a long swing. The world is wonderfully blurry around the edges. Sakura is not even slurring her words yet. “And besides, you are nasty, and a weirdo.” 

Sasuke snorts, pressing his forehead to Sakura’s shoulder. “Oh, and I wasn’t all that when we were kids?”

Sakura laughs at that, and it sounds lovely, light and easy, the way Sasuke was sure she would never be around him, ever again. Yet, here they are. “You probably were,” Sakura says, her shoulders still shaking with silent laughter, “but the you I was in love with in my head was kind, bought me flowers, took me out on lovely picnic dates and asked my dad for permission to marry me.”

Sasuke bursts out laughing at that, and Sakura joins him. “Yeah, that was never going to happen,” Sasuke says and toasts her with the bottle before taking another swing.

She shakes her head at that and musses up his hair. She looks fond. “You need a haircut.”

“Mhm,” Sasuke admits, going cross-eyed to look at the bangs growing past his eyebrows. “Don’t want to do much with it, though. Naruto likes my bangs.”

Sakura smacks the back of his head at that, “God, you are whipped, Uchiha.”

“Fuck off, Haruno. You are just jealous because I got myself a hot boyfriend before you.”

“He really is hot, isn't he? When did that even happen?” Sakura says, her voice way too dreamy for Sasuke's liking.

“Hands off my man, wench.”

“Please, as if he would let anyone steal him away from you. You are stuck with Naruto until you get tired of him.” 

And that's just a preposterous idea. He tells Sakura, “I'm never going to get tired of Naruto.”

Sakura is smirking when he looks up at her, and Sasuke has the feeling that he was baited into this confession, but she also looks very satisfied with his answer. Sasuke goes to take another sip of the vodka, and chokes on it when she says, “Well, then I will be expecting those wedding invitations soon.”

* * *

“Well, someone’s got lucky,” Ino sing-songs as he walks over to their booth. Kiba wolf-whistles at the sight of the hickeys on Sasuke's neck.

“Jealous much, Yamanaka?” Sasuke rolls his eyes, sitting down and accepting the beer Sakura pushes into his hand.

“Of you getting laid? Pff, I can do that any time I want and you know it,” Ino laughs and flutters her eyes at him, her smile saccharine-sweet and mocking. “Although, I am baffled how, out of all of us, you and Naruto are the only ones in a stable relationship. _ With each-other, _at that.”

“Please, anyone with half a brain could have predicted _ that _ coming,” Kiba snorts, Sakura echoing him, face hidden in her glass. “What I am shocked by, is how you managed to snatch Naruto’s v-card from before the noses of all the people queueing up for it, Uchiha. You weren’t even in the village _ for years.” _He whines, Ino nodding in agreement, looking as if she had her sights set on doing just that. 

“Fuck you, dog-boy.” Sasuke snaps at him, but it lacks any bite and Kiba just laughs. “Who snatched _ your _v-card, huh?” He asks, and is rewarded by the sight of the Inuzuka going beet-red.

He doesn’t really care about the answer, shifting the focus to Kiba only so he doesn’t have to listen to them speculate about Naruto’s virginity. Especially since they are not correct.

He doesn’t blame them, he would have probably assumed the same thing, damn him, he _ had _assumed the same thing.

They were making out, Sasuke perched on Naruto’s lap, both shirtless and pressed closely together, when Naruto pulled away just far enough to mumble, “Have you ever done this before?” and rolled his hips up, creating wonderful friction against Sasuke’s erection.

Sasuke snorted, closing the gap between them to bite Naruto’s lower lip, “As if _ you have,” _he laughed a little to himself at the thought, until he felt Naruto go stil against him, his hands stopping their wonderful journey down Sasuke’s back.

Oh.

“Holy shit, _ you have, _haven’t you?”

“Well, yes,” Naruto replied, quiet and suddenly awkward, avoiding Sasuke’s eyes.

“Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter, okay? Can we just drop it?” 

“It matters, and you are the one who actually started the conversation, so, spill,” Sasuke said, using his hand still resting on Naruto’s cheek to make Naruto actually look at him.

“It doesn’t matter, and he’s _ gone, _ so would you please just drop it?” Naruto sounded more sad than angry which was what prompted Sasuke to ask, “Gone as in you broke up, or gone as in dead?” 

“God, you are such a fucking asshole, I can’t believe you. He’s dead, alright? I don’t want to talk about him.” He sounded hurt, as if the death was recent, as if… “Oh,” Sasuke let out, the truth dawning on him, “holy shit, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Naruto.”

“Don’t,” Naruto shifted, hiding his face in Sasuke’s neck, “we weren’t ever really together, and it was over way before he died, so, please, just don’t, okay?” He pleaded, pulling Sasuke closer.

“Alright,” Sasuke had agreed, kissing Naruto's eyebrow. When he fell asleep that night, it was to an image of Naruto's hand tangled in long, dark hair.

* * *

Sasuke doesn’t do anything on Itachi’s birthday. He doesn’t spend the entire day snapping back at Naruto for the stupidest of reasons. He doesn’t find himself at the Dango stall at the end of their street. He doesn’t stand in their kitchen for almost an hour, staring at the sweet dumplings still wrapped in the paper bag. He doesn’t close his eyes tightly and doesn’t press two of his fingers to his forehead. He doesn’t cry.

He does take a painfully hot shower and he does crawl into bed ridiculously early. Naruto joins him soon after, wrapping himself around Sasuke and pressing a lingering kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m fine,” Sasuke lies, face pressed to Naruto’s chest and Naruto just holds him tighter.

* * *

He wakes up one night to Naruto sitting up, ramrod straight, his breaths coming out ragged. “Hey,” he says, touching Naruto's shoulder lightly, finds it soaked with sweat, “are you alright?” Which, in retrospect, is a stupid thing to ask. Naruto is clearly not alright.

“What if I can't do it?” Naruto asks, his voice hoarse and scared. “What if I’m—” Sasuke moves to sit in front of him, dread rising in his chest. “Hey, look at me,” he says sharply, but Naruto just squeezes his eyes shut more tightly and makes a terrified choking sound. “What if you can't do what, Naruto?”

“What if I can't do it?” Naruto repeats, as if not having heard a word Sasuke just said. “What if I end up being the worst Hokage the village has ever had?” He sounds like he's about to cry.

“It’s the paperwork Kakashi-sensei has me do for him, I— I try Sasuke, _ I do. _ It’s just I get distracted all the time, no matter how hard I try, I just, I lose my place, or, or skip words and then I _ don’t remember and have to start over, _ and Shikamaru helps, he does, but—” Naruto stops and furiously swipes at the tears gathering in his eyes. He sniffles and lets out a shaky breath, “What if I can’t ever be Hokage, after all?” He sounds small, and scared and Sasuke could say something biting, could mock, or propose he himself becomes Hokage, so Naruto better catch up to him _ or else, _but he knows it won’t work. Not right now.

Not with Naruto scared and trembling in the middle of the night. “You are an idiot,” he says and Naruto sniffles in response, makes a soft, wounded sound and shakes his head. “No, listen to me, you idiot. When was the last time you've seen that old bastard do any of his own paperwork?” Naruto looks up at that, eyebrows furrowed. “He makes you do all of it, right? And before you, he was probably making Shikamaru do it for him. So once you are Hokage, you'll just have to find some loser who will do your paperwork for you.”

Naruto just looks at Sasuke for a long moment and then smiles, a shy hopeful thing. “Do you really think it would work?” 

“Sure it would. Look at this old bastard, pushing all of his work onto you so he can read porn in peace.” 

Naruto laughs at that, quietly. It's still a little wet and shaky, but he pushes at Sasuke's shoulder and says, “Have some respect for your Hokage, bastard.” 

“Never,” Sasuke grins and kisses Naruto’s wet cheek.

Naruto pulls him down onto the bed and Sasuke throws his arm around the blond’s chest, making himself comfortable. Naruto whines and squirms away, laying flat on his stomach and, after a moment, tugging on Sasuke's sleeve. The Uchiha sighs, going for exasperated but it comes out helplessly fond, and lays down on top of him, making sure Naruto is holding up most of his weight. The blond makes a happy, satisfied sound and then mumbles, mouth pressed into the pillow, “Love you.”

“Hn,” Sasuke agrees, kissing the back of his head.

* * *

  
  


With Shisui’s birthday comes the first frost of the year. It’s so early that people take notice, grumbling displeased to each other as Sasuke walks through the village. He woke up around four in the morning and did not waste any time before making his way to the Naka River. There were already fresh flowers there, a small bouquet placed at the riverbank, a clear sign that Kakashi had already been there. He sat down on the cold damp ground and did not move until he couldn’t ignore the trembling of his muscles any longer, the sun slowly setting on the horizon, barely visible through the trees.

It hurts, walking through the village, seeing people getting ready for dinner, going about with their lives. He doesn’t want to go home, feeling restless and cold. There is nothing left to do, nothing he can actually do for Shisui, who was always bright and lively and actually enjoyed celebrating his birthday. Always complained about how cold it was in October, how the best way to celebrate a birthday was to sunbathe and swim in the river and then eat an entire chocolate cake by yourself. Sasuke would always cheer him on, during those moments, and Shisui would smile and pet Sasuke’s hair, saying, “I’ll share with no one but you, squirt, because you are my favourite.”

In the end, he’d get to enjoy only one of his wishes, and he always shared with everyone, dealing out unfairly big slices for Sasuke and himself, winking at Mikoto who only shook her head, smiling fondly.

There is no Shisui now, no Mikoto and no chocolate cake. There is only Sasuke and the Naka river. Cold and restless.

He is surprised to see Naruto in the kitchen when he enters their apartment, the blond raising his hand in a greeting, a bright smile on his face. Sasuke stops in the doorway, clutching the frame, and sways forward on the balls of his feet. Naruto’s smile morphs into a worried frown, he opens his mouth to say something, but Sasuke doesn’t let him, closing the distance between them in two fast strides, leaning down to catch his mouth in a kiss. It’s hard, almost aggressive, but Naruto responds immediately, burying his hands in Sasuke’s hair and standing up without breaking the kiss.

He pulls on Naruto’s hair and when the blond curses sharply he takes the moment to rasp out, “Bedroom.”

They make quick work of it, one moment Sasuke is standing in the kitchen, the next he's pushing Naruto onto their bed, taking off his own shirt as he goes to straddle the blond. He tugs at the waistband of Naruto’s shorts and he immediately springs into action, flipping them over and pushing Sasuke onto the bed.

Naruto loves foreplay, loves to spend a long time making sure Sasuke is stretched and ready and usually, Sasuke loves it too. This time, by the time Naruto adds the second finger, he is sitting upright and straddling Naruto’s thighs, his back facing the blond. Naruto makes a sound of protest, but Sasuke shushes him. He doesn’t need coddling, not today.

He guides Naruto in, bearing down, the head catches on his rim but slips, and Sasuke growls, frustration giving way to anger. 

“Hey, let me—” Naruto grunts, but Sasuke bats his hand away. He presses down again and this time manages to slip the tip in. The stretch burns. Naruto likes to be scratched and slapped and roughed up, but Sasuke doesn’t really see the appeal of pain during sex. This is something completely new. 

He puts his whole weight into the movement and manages to sit himself fully on Naruto's cock. It hurts, a red hot spike of burning pain making him pause, but he knows that if he doesn't move, doesn’t act like everything is alright, Naruto will notice and make them stop to stretch him out properly. He bounces, biting down on his lip, the drag of the cock inside him feels like sandpaper and he focuses on it, the physical pain a much better alternative to the restless emptiness he has felt since he woke up this morning. He works up a shaky rhythm, his erection almost completely gone, but with each upward stroke Naruto grunts and his hands clutch Sasuke's hips. He wonders, briefly, if Hyuuga liked pain, if he and Naruto went at it dirty, pulling hair and using barely any lube. The thought infuriates him, the mental image of Naruto with anyone else like this makes him slam down harder, the pain of it making him cry out.

Naruto sits up and he can’t hold in the hiss the new angle punches out of him. Naruto whimpers, pushing his face into the crook of Sasuke's neck, sucking on the sensitive skin, the sensation distracting enough that Sasuke isn't quick enough to bat his hand away when he reaches to touch his erection. Naruto stops, confused, “You aren't hard,” he mutters, face still pressed into Sasuke's neck. He moves away, repeating, this time clearer, “why aren't you hard?”

Sasuke scoffs, moving his hips up and down, fully set on ignoring the question. “Hey, no, stop,” Naruto grips his hips, stopping any movement, “what's going on, Sasuke?”

“Nothing, I'm trying to have sex with you,” Sasuke sneers, frustrated. He had a rhythm going, and Naruto is being difficult.

“Yeah, that's not what it looks like to me,” he glances meaningfully at Sasuke's crotch. Sasuke growls at that, and pushes Naruto's hands off of his hips. He lifts up and does his best to hide the wince at the sensation. It hurts almost as much going out as it did going in. When he looks down he thinks he sees some blood smeared over Naruto. From the shocked gasp, he knows Naruto notices it too.

He gets up, putting on his underwear, watching as Naruto does the same. 

“What's this about?” Naruto asks, frustration clear in his voice. He stalks over to Sasuke, pulling at his shoulder so they're facing each other. 

“I wanted to get fucked,” Sasuke seethes, gripping Naruto’s wrist tightly. “That’s what this is about, and if you can’t give it to me, then what good are you for?”

Naruto doesn’t flinch, but he doesn’t quite manage to hide the hurt that flashes on his face. “I’m not going to hurt you like that just because you asked me to. I’m not like that, we are not like that!”

“Aren’t we?” Sasuke sneers, shrugging his left arm and this time, Naruto doesn’t even bother with concealing his flinch, eyes glued to Sasuke’s stump. “You fucking bastard! This is different! You know it is!” He pushes Sasuke away and Sasuke lets himself hit the wall behind him, smirking. The impact making his head ache with dull pain.

“Oh, I’m sorry, the high and mighty saviour of the world is too good to have some kinky sex, my apologies.”

“Shut up, you bastard!” Naruto shouts, his fists clenched. “You know damn well this is not about kinky sex! You used me! I hurt you! You are bleeding!” He sounds upset, disturbed by the prospect and Sasuke feels his fury roar at that.

“You’ve made me bleed before, I don’t see what the big deal here is. I was enjoying myself for once.”

“You weren’t, that’s the big deal! You are hurting on the inside, I get that, but you do not have the right to use me to hurt yourself on the outside as well, not without my permission!”

Sasuke snorts, closing the distance between them. “You liked it, admit it.” It’s not true, it doesn’t even make sense, but he says it just to be cruel, just to rile Naruto up, and it works.

The punch lands high on his cheek and he doesn’t even stumble, just spits on the ground, not breaking eye contact. “Is that all you’ve got?”

“Goddamnit!” Naruto screams, jumping away, hands fisted in his own hair. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“You want a numbered list?”

Naruto turns away from him, letting out a frustrated groan. “Come on, usuratonkachi, this is what we do, this is what we are good at.” It isn’t, not really, at least not anymore.

Naruto is quiet, his back still to Sasuke and Sasuke doesn’t quite know what to do with the sudden silence. Some of the anger and restlessness is still simmering under his skin, with nowhere to go. He shifts his weight from foot to foot, clenching and unclenching his fist. He hears Naruto breathing shakily and says, unsure, “Naruto?”

There is no answer, just the quiet sound of uneven breathing and Naruto’s shoulders trembling slightly, then, “Is it really what you think?” 

“Think what?”

“That this,” Naruto turns around gesturing between them. His eyes are red-rimmed. “Is all we are good at, together?”

“I—” he finds himself at a loss of words, at the sudden change in course, and feels a childish need to be petty. He bites his tongue.

“I thought, I _ hoped, _ we were better than that,” Naruto’s voice is quiet and wet around the edges, “but maybe Sakura was right, and I am just naïve.”

“Sakura said that?” Sasuke says, and is surprised by the wave of hurt this information brings. He knows she didn’t trust him, at first, and with good reason, but he thought they were past that. She told him she was waiting for invitations to their _ wedding. _

“Not recently, but, in the beginning,” Naruto says, and Sasuke is embarrassed by his relief at the admission, “I told her to mind her business, but maybe she was right.”

Sasuke feels the panic start to build, right in the pit of his stomach, at how quickly the evening is spiralling out of his control. He swallows and does the only thing he is good at. He self destructs.

“Well, maybe she was right.”

Naruto’s head snaps up, and Sasuke can see the tears shining in his eyes. He feels his heart hammering in his chest and forces a smirk onto his face. “Maybe it really is the only thing we are good at.”

Naruto closes his eyes and he looks frustrated. _ That’s right, get angry with me, _Sasuke thinks. He is very good at dealing with Naruto’s anger.

“I know what you are doing,” Naruto says, opening his eyes. He brushes away a stray tear making its way down his cheek. “And it’s not going to work. Not today.”

“Oh yeah? And what exactly am I doing?”

“You are trying to make me angry, because you can’t deal with normal human emotions. You always fucking do this.”

“Fuck you, Naruto. Fuck you.” He suddenly feels terribly left behind, with Naruto choosing the high road and him clinging to his insults.

Naruto takes a step closer, careful as if Sasuke might lash out. Sasuke entertains the idea for half a second before it crumbles, leaving only shame in its wake. He swallows, and watches Naruto take another step. “I know something is wrong, and I want to help. I’m no good with dates, but today must be something,” Sasuke hates just how predictable he has become. He hates how naked and vulnerable it makes him feel. 

“You don’t have to talk to me. If being alone is what you need, then I will leave, but I can’t just stand by and watch you hurt yourself.” Naruto says, and stops when there is only a bit of space left between them. He reaches out, slowly, and when Sasuke doesn’t move, touches his cheek, brushing away the tears that Sasuke hadn’t even noticed were making their way down.

“I love you,” Naruto whispers, his thumb gently caressing the skin under Sasuke’s eye. “I love you, and I want to be there for you, no matter what you need.”

“I don’t know what I need,” Sasuke shakes with the admission. It comes out helpless and choked.

“That’s okay,” he touches his forehead to Sasuke’s, his hand moving to the back of Sasuke’s neck. “Do you think you can tell me what happened today? We can figure it out together, right?”

So Sasuke tells him. Talks about Shisui, about his birthday, about the chocolate cake. Talks about how the first thing he did after awakening his sharingan was look at the list of names and birthdays he made after the massacre to make sure he never, _ ever _ forgot a single one. About how, with every birthday, he feels just a little bit more hollow, a little bit _ worse, _but how forgetting is not even an option, because he is the only one left. The last Uchiha, cursed and blessed with the memories of his whole family.

Naruto listens, his hand resting at the back of Sasuke’s neck, thumb gently rubbing the space behind his ear, and doesn’t say a word until Sasuke is done.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, into the silence that follows, “I’m so sorry that you have to feel like this.”

Sasuke doesn’t say anything, pressing himself a little closer into Naruto’s embrace. It still feels new to him, sometimes, even after all these months, to desire affection, and to so easily receive it. He feels like a sponge sometimes, so greedy, always so ready to soak up everything Naruto has to offer. _ Touch-starved, _ Sakura called him once, when he admitted to feeling this way, nearly comatose from the amount of vodka they drank, and he snorted at that, dismissive and embarrassed. But perhaps that’s exactly what he is. He feels hungry for it, sometimes, for the hands on his shoulders, for the kisses to his temple. 

Naruto steps away, and the rush of cold air snaps Sasuke out of his thoughts. “Come on,” Naruto says, tugging on his wrist. They make their way to the bed and sit down, their knees touching. “Have you tried writing it all down?” Naruto asks, voice quiet, almost gentle, “this way you might not have to remind yourself.”

“I have,” Sasuke says, remembering the notebook he has kept with him all these years. Its pages yellowed with age.

“Alright,” Naruto mumbles, and Sasuke wants to tell him that it’s alright. He has managed for almost eleven years, and if there was a better solution, he would have found it by now.

“There was an Uchiha shrine, by the Naka river, I remember—” Naruto hesitates, but carries on, “I remember Obito telling me about it, about the secret meeting place.”

“It’s gone now,” Sasuke says, and as much as he mourns the destruction of his childhood home, he doesn’t miss the shrine, as it held only his family's worst secrets.

“I know, but, it wasn’t a— it wasn’t a memorial place, was it?”

“No, it was a place of worship,” a place of secrets, of scheming.

“Well, what if there was a new Uchiha shrine, then? One made for remembrance.”

Sasuke scoffs at that, because as if. “The village would never allow for such thing.”

“But if it did? Do you think it would help, even just a tiny bit?” Sasuke considers this, imagines having a sacred place designated for mourning. A place just for his family and its ghosts. It feels right. “The village would never allow for such thing,” he repeats instead.

“Maybe,” Naruto agrees and leans in to kiss Sasuke on the cheek, “good thing the Hokage likes me a lot.”

When he looks up, he sees Naruto smiling at him. It’s a shy, uncertain thing. “I won’t ask Kakashi without your permission.”

Sasuke feels the corners of his lips twitch at that and says, “Alright, ask the old pervert. He might be good for something, after all.”

They sit like that, for a long moment, the silence stretching between them, warm and comforting. He lets himself rest against Naruto's side, the last bits of the tension in his muscles seeping away.

“I want you to be happy,” Naruto’s words sound impossibly loud in the quiet room, earnest and still a little bit desperate.

“I don’t think I know how to be happy, anymore,” he can feel Naruto’s eyes on him, but it is impossible to look up, right now, with the raw honesty of his words keeping his eyes glued to the frayed edge of the colourful blanket thrown over the bed. He starts to pull at the threads, loosening them, as Naruto asks, “What do you mean?”

The blanket is scratchy and ancient, something Naruto had somehow scavenged from his old apartment. Worn down with age and improper care, cheap detergents making it stiff and staticky. Sasuke shrugs, “I don’t know, Naruto.” He doesn’t. For most of his life, he was certain that happiness was simply not something he would ever have to learn how to deal with. Now, with Itachi dead and Sasuke alive, the very real certainty of an entire _ life _stretching out before him, he is at a loss. 

Most days, he feels as if he is merely going through the motions, alive simply for the sake of being alive. He enjoys his time with Naruto, sometimes even Sakura, but more often than not he feels as if he is watching himself from above. The emotions, even though pleasant and warm, feel muted and foreign, someone else’s. Sometimes it feels like his brain just doesn’t know how to process them.

“Is this a new thing?” Naruto sounds unsure, concerned. “Or has it always been like this?”

“It’s not new, I—” some of the blanket threads have come loose, so he starts pulling them apart. “I think I’ve felt that way since I was seven.”

“Oh,” Naruto closes the distance between them, shuffling closer on the bed and touches Sasuke’s cheek with his hand, gently tilting his head up. He presses a soft kiss to Sasuke’s lips and Sasuke kisses back. Naruto uses physical contact whenever he doesn’t know how to express himself, something Sasuke has become very well versed in. The kiss lingers, gentle and comforting. When they part, Naruto touches their foreheads together and asks, “Do you remember what kind of things used to make you happy? Before?”

Sasuke takes a moment to consider this, and then settles on, “They were all just things I used to do when I was a child,” and after a long moment adds, “Stupid stuff, you know.”

“Kids do fun things all the time,” Naruto replies, voice light. He moves away, just a little, then leans back in to poke Sasuke's cheek with his nose. “Tell me about them?”

“There isn’t much, really,” he licks his lips, his fingers resuming their work of picking at the blanket threads. Naruto doesn’t reply, and Sasuke knows it’s a bait, to make him fill the silence, but when he looks up Naruto just looks curious. 

He clears his throat and says, “Shisui,” it takes a lot of effort to say that name, and after a few beats of silence he feels the warmth of Naruto’s hand on his knee. “Whenever I couldn’t sleep, I would always go to his room. He never turned me away, even though it must have been pretty fucking annoying.” Shisui was warm and patient and inviting, everything Itachi wasn’t. He and Itachi balanced each other out perfectly, working together seamlessly, both on, and out of the battlefield.

“He would sing this really weird song, to make me fall asleep,” he smiles at the memory, a barely-there twitch of the corners of his lips. He pulls at a fraying red thread, pinching it between his fingernails to get a better grip. It rips. “The lyrics made no sense, but it always made me laugh, and sometimes I would pretend I couldn’t sleep just so he would sing it. I’m pretty sure he knew, but he never turned me away.”

“What was the song called?” Naruto asks, and his voice brings Sasuke out of the memory, of Shisui’s sleepy smile and his quiet, raspy voice saying, _ Jump in, squirt, _ as he opened the blankets for Sasuke.

“I have no idea,” he shakes his head “it was fast, so it was a really shitty lullaby. I’m convinced he made it up himself. Something about a tree and a river? And a hole in the ground?”

Naruto laughs at that quietly, says, “That sounds really cool. He must have loved you very much.” He sounds sincere and wistful in a way that makes Sasuke realize Naruto never got to experience things like this. He takes the hand still resting on his knee and squeezes lightly. Naruto squeezes back. 

“My mother would dance in the kitchen, as she cooked,” he rubs his thumb along the side of Naruto’s index finger. “To any song that was playing on the radio at the time. She would sing, too, but she was terrible at it.” She sang pretending the wooden spoon was a microphone, always smiling, always off-key, always lovely. “I would join her, with the dancing. She’d spin me around really fast. I threw up, once, and she laughed so hard she had to sit down on the floor to catch her breath.” Fugaku found them like that, Mikoto laughing with tears in her eyes, Sasuke coughing and gasping for breath, shirt dirty with vomit. 

“She laughed at you? How old were you?”

“I don’t know, four? Or five? She helped me clean up and gave me an extra scoop of ice cream for dessert because she felt bad.” He still remembers her running up to him once she managed to compose herself, holding him close, vomit stained shirt and all, and saying _ “Oh, my baby, I am so sorry Sasuke.” _She kissed his hair and carried him to the bathroom to help him change.

He aches with the bitter-sweet sorrow the memory brings.

“My brother would train with me, whenever he had the time.” It was not very often. Itachi was a prodigy and an heir first and an older brother second. “He would always try to make it into some sort of game, to make it fun for me.” It would have been fun even if he hadn’t. Sasuke worshipped the ground Itachi walked on. Just getting to train with him meant Itachi took time out of his insane schedule and chose to spend it on teaching Sasuke.

“If we were doing stealth exercises, we would play hide-and-seek at the end of the day, to see if I could manage to hide from him. If we worked on speed, we’d race around the Uchiha compound, or play tag, things like that.”

“Aww man, I wish Kakashi-sensei did that when we were genin,” Naruto whines, and Sasuke can’t help but laugh. “That sounds like so much fun! I mean, all of this, but that especially. I bet we could do stuff like that even now, make it super difficult and all.”

Sasuke feels his lips stretch into a smile. It’s stupid, they are adults, Naruto is training to become Hokage, and yet, “I would like that.”

“Yes! I bet Sakura would love to play too!” Naruto says and he sounds so excited Sasuke can’t help but lean in and kiss him.

* * *

  
  
  


Two days later, Naruto comes home with an official letter signed by the Hokage himself, commissioning the building of an Uchiha shrine. Both the materials and the manpower necessary to be provided by the village. Sasuke accepts the former and refuses the latter. It’s something he has to do by himself.

* * *

  
  


It takes Sasuke a week to build the shrine. It’s slow going, one-handed and alone, but every time Naruto visits with water and food, offering help, Sasuke refuses. Naruto just smiles, worried but fond and presses a soft kiss to Sasuke’s lips, announcing he’ll be back in a few hours. Each day at nightfall he comes to make sure Sasuke comes home and gets some sleep.

On the evening of the seventh day, Naruto finds Sasuke on his knees, painstakingly chiselling Itachi’s name into the stone. There is sweat gathering on his upper lip, the muscles of his arm trembling with exhaustion. Naruto watches in silence as Sasuke finishes the last number of the date of Itachi’s death. They stay like this for a long moment, after it’s done, looking at the names of Sasuke's family members, along with the dates of their birth and death. 

The writing is a little uneven, and Sasuke had considered, for a short moment, asking Naruto, or even Kakashi, with their annoyingly neat handwriting, to help with this, but changed his mind immediately when he thought of someone else’s hands chiselling his mother’s name into the stone. Besides, no one else will ever come here to admire his handiwork. His eyes land on Shisui’s name, then on Obito’s and, well, no one besides Kakashi, anyway, and Sasuke has long since stopped caring about the old pervert’s opinion. 

  
  


Two days later Hatake Kakashi knocks on the door of their apartment. The visit is not unusual in on itself, however, he usually opts on just appearing on their balcony. Sasuke lets him in, but doesn’t move from the hallway, looking at Kakashi with his eyebrows raised in question.

“Hello, Sasuke.” Kakashi says, hand raised in greeting.

“Why are you here? Naruto is at the Hokage Tower, right where you should be. He _ is _supposed to be learning from you, after all.”

Kakashi’s smile drops a little and the man seems to straighten his posture. “Right,” he says, his tone suddenly serious. “I have come here to ask your permission to enter the Uchiha shrine.”

Sasuke blinks, “What?”

“I understand if you do not want anyone’s presence there, I merely wish to pay my respects.”

“Did you even try to visit the shrine before coming here?” Sasuke asks, because frankly, this whole formal performance is ridiculous, and tiring.

“Of course not, if my family had a shrine, I would not want strangers coming in and out at all times of day.”

“There are hardly lines forming in front of an _ Uchiha shire, _Hatake. Besides, you are not a stranger. I have included you in the protective wards.”

Kakashi just blinks, clearly surprised. Sasuke had known the man was an idiot, but seriously.

“Permission granted, now leave, I have better things to do.”

“Thank you, Sasuke.” Kakashi’s smile is warm and grateful and Sasuke turns away, not wanting to look at it. 

* * *

Naruto corners him just as he's about to put the kettle on the burner. He plasters himself against Sasuke's back, arms circling his waist, pulling him close. 

“Hello,” Sasuke says, arm suspended mid-movement. 

“Hi,” Naruto replies, although it's muffled, his face pressed into the crook of Sasuke's neck. 

“Is there something you need? I'm in the middle of something.”

Naruto whines softly, pulling Sasuke closer against his chest. A soft, rhythmic song comes on the radio and he starts to sway gently with the music, moving them both from side to side in the process. “Dance with me?” 

“No,” Sasuke snorts and tries to pry Naruto's hands away. 

“Come onnn, just once? Pretty please?”

“No, don't be ridiculous.” He manages to free himself and takes a step towards the kitchen counter only for Naruto's arms to circle around his waist again, pulling him back. “Naruto, let me go.”

“One song?”

“No.”

“Half a song? Please?” Naruto whines, and Sasuke twists in his arms to take a good look at him, because Naruto only ever gets like this when he is too exhausted to actually demand things. He isn’t surprised by the dark circles under Naruto’s eyes, a clear sign he has been staying up late, working his way through Kakashi’s paperwork.

“Alright, half a song,” Sasuke relents, and is rewarded by a wet kiss to his cheek. He hardly has any time to wipe his face before Naruto is grabbing his wrist and manoeuvring Sasuke’s hand onto his shoulder. He rolls his eyes when he feels Naruto interlace his fingers behind his head. They start to sway with the music.

“You are being ridiculous,” Sasuke murmurs, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment.

“I’m being romantic,” Naruto grins back.

The song is easy to dance to. Slow and rhythmic in a way that takes almost no effort to follow. Naruto is a steady, warm presence beside him, softly humming along to the song.

“Sakura told me she's waiting for invitations to our wedding,” Sasuke says, mostly to see Naruto stumble mid-step, but also because it has been sitting at the back of his head for months.

“Are you—” Naruto starts, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “are you proposing to me?”

“What part of that sentence makes you think I am proposing to you, exactly?”

Naruto rolls his eyes and lifts their hands to lead Sasuke into a slow spin, this time not missing a single beat. “Do you have to be so annoying all the time?” 

“Sure,” Sasuke replies easily, swaying with the music, “someone has to make sure your life isn't too easy.”

“Thank you for your service, then. You should probably get a raise, since you are so good at your job,” Naruto quips back, pulling Sasuke closer and leaning his head on his shoulder. 

“I'll ask my boss on Monday,” Sasuke teases, smiling at Naruto's responding giggle, sliding his hand down so it can rest comfortably on Naruto's lower back.

“What would you say, if I asked you?” he asks, before he can stop himself.

“That’s cheating, you know. You’ll just have to ask for real and find out.” Naruto says, then, “Argh! And who says you are going to be the one asking anyway!” he lifts his head to glare at Sasuke.

Sasuke raises his eyebrows and smirks when Naruto’s cheeks pinken as he realizes what he just said.

“Shut it, you smug bastard,” he mutters, and hides his face in Sasuke’s shoulder.

After a long moment, he mutters, voice muffled by the cotton of Sasuke’s t-shirt, “Would I be Naruto Uchiha, or would you be Sasuke Uzumaki?” 

Sasuke’s throat suddenly feels terribly dry, but he manages to say, “Tch, I have a clan to rebuild, so,” which makes Naruto laugh. 

The singer is crooning softly and Sasuke lets Naruto spin him around again, lets his body follow the easy rhythm of the song and Naruto's breathless laughter.

* * *

  
  
  


Sasuke is drying the dishes when Naruto runs into the kitchen. “I got you something!” he's thrumming with energy so excited he's basically bouncing up and down.

“It's not my birthday,” Sasuke says, one eyebrow raised. “Is it—” their anniversary? _ Shit. _

_ “No,” _Naruto says, clutching the box hidden behind him. “Come upstairs.”

Sasuke narrows his eyes, half-tempted to be stubborn and ask Naruto to deal with this right here in the kitchen. 

“It’s a bedroom thing, come on, bastard!” Naruto whines, and Sasuke snorts.

“Did you buy me a sex toy?” he half-jokes, but the way Naruto’s cheeks pinken answers the question for him.

“You’ll like it. Let’s go, let’s go!” Naruto sounds a little breathless in his excitement. Curiosity piqued, Sasuke follows him.

In the bedroom, Naruto pushes at Sasuke’s shoulder until he is seated on the bed. He hands Sasuke the box and gestures for him to open it. Sasuke does, half expecting it to be a gag gift, but it’s just, “A dildo. You got me a dildo?” He looks up at Naruto, one eyebrow raised, then back down at the contents of the box. 

It’s a pretty standard dildo, if he were to ever imagine one. It’s skin-coloured, with some realistic-looking veins and testicles. He pokes it with one finger. It has some give, not much, but still.

“It’s not just a dildo, bastard! Look at the lid!” Sasuke does, closing the box. There is a complicated family of seals drawn on it, and going by the penmanship, it is Naruto’s doing.

“You know I’m not familiar with every single seal there is, Naruto. Does it make the thing vibrate?” he asks. He’s heard about such things, from Ino and Kiba. A little thrill goes through him at the thought. Maybe Naruto is onto something here. 

“No, it does something much, much better.” When he looks up, Naruto has a dangerous grin on his face. 

“Hn,” Sasuke looks at him for a long moment and then decides to bite. “What does the seal do, Naruto?”

“I would rather just show you,” Naruto bites his lip and looks Sasuke up and down. It’s pretty bad, as far as seduction attempts go, but for Naruto, Sasuke is always easy. He raises his eyebrows and smirks. 

“Take off your shirt,” Naruto says. 

“This better be worth my time.”

“Mhm, because you were so busy, washing the dishes and all,” Naruto mocks, even as he crawls onto the bed and over Sasuke, hands already lifting the hem of his shirt.

“Someone has to do it.”

“Bastard.”

“Idiot,” Sasuke says and kisses him, tongue licking at the seam of Naruto’s lips.

Naruto throws Sasuke’s shirt off the edge of the bed and leans over to grab the box. When Sasuke goes to take off his trousers, he bats his hands away. “You won’t need to do that.”

“You do know where dildos go, right?” Sasuke asks, mostly to be difficult.

Naruto rolls his eyes, “This one is special.” He swats at Sasuke’s thigh and says, voice deep, “be patient.”

“Anytime this century, would be nice.”

He watches as Naruto takes out a brush and a small pot of ink from the box. “I need to put a seal on you, too. Is that alright?”

“Go for it, oh great seal master.”

Naruto snorts and leans down to kiss him. It’s deeper this time, Naruto gripping his hair, his thigh between Sasuke’s legs. He bites Sasuke’s lower lip as they part.

“Alright, lay down, let me just—” he places the box beside Sasuke and takes out the toy, setting it on the bedside table. It looks hilarious, standing up next to the book Sasuke was reading last night and he can’t help but laugh at the sight. Naruto giggles as well.

He gets to work, brush swiping across Sasuke’s chest, concentrating on the lines of the seal. It’s cold, a little bit ticklish, but it does nothing to stem off Sasuke’s erection. Naruto looks good, focused like this. By the time he is done, Sasuke is panting, his hips twitching on their own. 

“Almost there,” Naruto mumbles, as if to himself. He does a couple of hand seals and touches the seal on Sasuke’s chest. Nothing happens.

“Wow,” Sasuke deadpans, and Naruto swats at his side. “Shut up. Just, don’t freak out, alright? If it’s too weird, tell me and we’ll stop.”

Sasuke nods, eyes following Naruto’s hand as he reaches for the toy. He holds it very gently with two fingers and, inexplicably, Sasuke’s erection twitches, as if Naruto’s hand is touching him.

“Ready?” He asks, and Sasuke rolls his eyes, “I have no idea what I’m even supposed to be ready for—” he replies, but then Naruto licks the head of the fake cock and Sasuke can _ feel it. _

He chokes, hips jumping where they are trapped under Naruto’s weight. “Naruto— what?!”

Naruto grins and licks the toy again. Sasuke moans, feeling Naruto’s tongue against his cock. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“What the hell, Naruto? Where did you get this?”

“I invented it, well, the seal, at least.” He grins and, locking eyes with Sasuke and takes the toy into his mouth.

“Fuck,” Sasuke moans, it feels just like getting a blowjob, warm and wet and wonderful, and if he closes his eyes he can pretend that’s exactly what’s happening. He doesn’t close his eyes. 

Naruto swirls his tongue around the head, sending sparks of pleasure down his spine and then abruptly stops. Before he can protest Naruto is leaning over him, a wicked grin on his face, “Wanna give it a try?”

And, _ fuck. _

He looks at the toy in Naruto's hand, and gods be damned he can feel Naruto's fingers around his own cock. “Fuck,” he says.

“So eloquent, Mr Uchiha,” Naruto grins, then, “you don't have to, you know.”

Sasuke takes a deep breath and reaches for the toy instead of answering, Naruto handing it over easily. He rubs his thumb gently under the head and groans at the sensation.

Naruto's hands travel down his chest and rest at the edge of his trousers, “Want these off?”

Sasuke swallows and nods, his full attention on the toy in his hand. He exhales shakily and brings it closer to his lips. The first tentative lick has his whole body seizing up. It’s not strictly the sensation, but the mere thought that he is actually sucking himself off. He briefly wonders if maybe they're both wrong and it really is his birthday.

He feels Naruto tug at the waistband of his trousers and lifts his hips, not even bothering to conceal his eagerness. The cold air hitting his erection makes him gasp.

Naruto pushes his thighs apart and settles himself between them, his hands travelling from the underside of Sasuke’s knees to the crease where his thighs meet his ass, inching closer until his thumb is teasing the space behind his balls. It’s distracting enough that Sasuke forgets about the toy in his hand until Naruto looks up at him and says, “Hey, get back to work.”

Sasuke scoffs but takes the toy back into his mouth. He sets a steady rhythm, which proves to be a challenge, as it turns out it’s quite difficult to moan and deepthroat at the same time. 

His momentum is completely thrown off when Naruto appears in his line of vision with a tube of lube in his hand, asking, “Is this alright?” To which Sasuke chokes out a hasty, “Fuck, yes.” The thought of Naruto fucking him as he sucks himself off has him almost coming on the spot.

For the first time in his life, Sasuke finds himself unable to appreciate the feeling of Naruto’s fingers inside him. It’s as good as it always is, but his brain simply cannot look past his own mouth on his own dick. It’s intoxicating, he pushes the toy a little bit deeper, relaxing his throat, and swallows. He chokes, and feels his throat flutter around himself, which just makes him whine and push the toy deeper. 

“Hey,” he hears Naruto say, “ease up up there, if you die like this, I will tell Sakura exactly how it happened.”

He pulls out the toy only long enough to rasp out, “Fuck you.”

He doesn’t even mind Naruto’s responding laughter. 

He has to ease himself off the edge a couple of times by the time Naruto announces, “I think you are ready.” He spreads his legs a bit further, anticipation making his thighs shake slightly, when Naruto says, “Alright, hand it over.”

A beat, then.

“What?” He sounds high pitched, even to his own ears.

“The toy,” when he looks down at Naruto, the blond is smiling, clearly amused.

“You are going to—” Sasuke starts, pretty sure his brain is short-circuiting. 

“Fuck you with the toy, yes, unless you don’t want me to.”

Sasuke nods, then shakes his head, taking a shuddering breath. Naruto smiles up at him, rubbing the outside of Sasuke’s thigh, and asks, “Yes or no?”

“Yes, okay. Yes.” He rasps out and hands the toy over, anticipation clawing at his throat, making it difficult to get the words out.

He watches as Naruto covers the toy with lube, and shudders at the feeling of it. Naruto settles comfortably between Sasuke’s bent thighs, kissing the side of his knee. He can feel his own heartbeat thudding in his ears as he watches Naruto lower the toy slowly. It’s not until he feels Naruto’s hand on his stomach, rubbing soothing circles just above his navel that he realizes just how tense he is.

“Breathe, alright?” Naruto says, leaning down to press soft kisses to the inside of Sasuke’s thighs. “We don’t have to do this.”

“No, I— I want to.” He does, so much he’s shaking with it.

“Alright, let me know if you change your mind,” Naruto smiles up at him and then presses the tip of the toy lightly against Sasuke’s entrance. It’s such a bizarre feeling that Sasuke can’t stop the gasp that comes out of his mouth.

Naruto doesn’t stop to ask him if he’s changed his mind, instead presses the toy a bit further, not enough to dip it inside, then pulls it back, never actually breaking contact with Sasuke’s skin. He does it again and again, until Sasuke is gasping for breath.

He likes it so much, the feeling of almost being breached, the pressure making his toes curl. They’ve never really talked about it, but as with most things, Naruto just _ knows. _

When Naruto finally pushes the toy in, Sasuke’s pretty sure he whites out. It’s just the tip, but it feels like so much, and the realization that this is what he feels like from the inside has him moaning brokenly.

“Babe, you alright?” Naruto asks, petting the inside of his thigh, fingers warm and calloused. Sasuke tries to formulate a response, but all he can do is pant for breath, mouth open like a fish.

“Ngh,” He manages, after a long moment, knowing Naruto will understand anyway. Even though some small part of him likes it, he always snaps at Naruto for his ridiculous pet names. He will have to let this one slide, he decides, and groans when Naruto lightly pulls on the toy. It doesn’t slip out, just barely catching on his rim and the pressure of it makes him want to scream. He digs his heels into the bed, the muscles of his thighs aching with how tense they are. 

Naruto pushes the toy back in, then pulls it out, again and again, and again. Each time pushing just a little further in and pulling out almost all the way, making sure the head catches on the rim. It’s maddening, the slow, even pace, being able to feel it on his own cock. He tries not to think too much about how he is basically fucking himself, because if he does, he will surely lose his mind.

It feels like ages until he feels the toy bottom out. Naruto doesn’t release his grip on the fake cock but he crawls up Sasuke’s body and kisses him, long and deep. “You are so beautiful,” he says with a grin and leans down to kiss the corner of Sasuke’s eye where he can feel unshed tears clumping his bottom eyelashes. 

“You are disgusting,” Sasuke says and pulls Naruto down for another kiss. “You plan on fucking me anytime today?” he says when they part and wiggles his hips for emphasis.

Naruto’s smile is wicked when he says, “Oh, you are about to fuck yourself alright.” Sasuke chokes on his spit when he goes back to doing just that. There is no buildup this time, Naruto pressing the toy into him hard and fast and Sasuke has to bite down on his hand to stop himself from screaming.

“How does it feel?” Naruto asks as Sasuke whimpers after a particularly hard thrust.

“Ah,” he manages and turns to push his face into the pillow, his hips following the rhythm of Naruto's hand.

“Come on, baby, tell me how it feels. Use your words,” Naruto says and angles the toy just a little differently and it brushes against Sasuke's prostate, making him whimper. He alternates the thrusts, hitting it only every other time. 

“Ngh—” Sasuke says, trying to find words and failing. He shakes his head, clutching the sheets in his fist. When he manages to look down Naruto is grinning at him.

“F—ah, fuck you, Naruto,” he manages, but the last syllable turns into a groan when Naruto grabs him by the hips and pulls him a little down the bed, changing the angle once again, this time not missing his prostate on a single thrust.

He comes with a shout, his body spasming with aftershocks. He barely notices Naruto releasing the seal but is grateful for it all the same when he feels Naruto gently pull the toy out and then throw it onto the floor. It lands with a dull thud and Sasuke winces, despite no longer being connected to it. They'll really have to be careful with this thing.

Naruto lays down next to him, his hand petting Sasuke’s side. “So, what’s the verdict? Am I a genius or am I a genius?”

Sasuke snorts leaning closer to kiss him and mumbles, mouth pressed to Naruto’s jaw, “Give me a second, and then it’s your turn.”

“Fuck yes.” He doesn’t see it, eyes closed from exhaustion, but he can bet his right arm that Naruto fist bumps the air. 

* * *

The first thing he hears when he shrugs off his jacket in the hallway is, “Oh shut it, you annoying old fox!” He follows the voice to the living room, where he finds Naruto sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, papers spread everywhere, as if a small tornado made its way through their apartment. He's reading quietly under his breath, a pencil laying flat on the piece of paper in front of him, and Sasuke watches him move it down a line once he's finished reading. It's a simple system they came up with together, the pencil helping Naruto keep track of where exactly he is in his reading.

“The old fox giving you trouble?” Sasuke asks, using the stupid nickname he heard Naruto use so many times it stuck, and smirks when Naruto jumps in shock at his voice. He is incredibly easy to sneak up on when he's focused like this.

“Agh! Knock or something next time!”

“In my own house? I don't think so,” Sasuke says and walks over to join Naruto on the floor. He leans in and kisses him on the mouth, Naruto letting out a soft satisfied sigh. 

“Hi,” he says and leans his head on Sasuke's shoulder.

“Hello,” Sasuke shifts to get comfortable, putting his arm around Naruto's shoulders, leaning back against the couch behind them. 

“Do you need any help?” He asks. Sometimes, when the pencil method doesn't work, Naruto ends up having to read out loud, and claims it's easier to have an audience.

“Nah, I'm almost done for today. Kurama was being a dick, is all.”

“Ah, alright,” Sasuke says, blinking his Sharingan alive and turning to look at Naruto. “Do you need me to talk to him?”

Naruto bursts into laughter at that, and puts his hand on Sasuke's face, pushing him away. “That was terrible,” he snorts, shoulders shaking with laughter and adds, “And thank you, I've got this.” 

He leans in to press their lips together and Sasuke smiles into the kiss.

* * *

Sasuke’s dreams, although his own personal brand of horror, are quite repetitive. His brother made sure of that. He has grown used to them. He still wakes up trembling and covered in sweat, but he no longer screams, or trashes around, or, gods forbid, throws up.

He is used to the image of his brother, cold as a stone and unflinching, standing over the corpses of their parents, their blood pooling around his feet. It is almost like a movie of which he can describe each frame with painstaking detail. His brother’s hair, usually neat in its ponytail, ruffled and messy, his mother’s lightly curled fingers, the nail polish on her index finger chipped just slightly. He’s seen it all countless times, and will continue to see it until the day he dies.

Which is why, even asleep, he immediately notices the change in routine. He is taller this time, taking the familiar route back to the Uchiha compound. He sees the bodies and feels his pulse quicken with dread, blood turning to ice in his veins. 

It is all still so terribly familiar, except this time it is not his parents’ corpses he finds in the main room, it’s Naruto’s. 

“What—” he says and looks down, realizes he is not a child but an adult. The shuriken catches the edge of his sleeve and when he looks up Itachi is there, just like he always is. His face a mask of indifference. 

“What’s going on?” He asks, bile rising in his throat.

“Did you really think it would be this easy, little brother?” His voice is cold and so, so awfully familiar that despite being an adult and this so clearly being a dream, Sasuke falls to his knees all the same. He knows, deep down, that hearing this voice in this room will always, always render him helpless, no matter how strong he gets. The truth about Itachi does not matter, not here, not ever, not in this room. He looks at Naruto, at the blood oozing from the cut in his throat, at his open, unseeing eyes.

He wakes up screaming. 

Some small part of him is grateful for Naruto’s diplomatic missions. He’s grateful that Naruto is not here to witness him screaming himself awake, does not see him crawl to the bathroom and empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet, does not see Sasuke curl up on the cold bathroom tiles, struggling to catch his breath.

He stays on the floor until the dawn breaks and when he finally gets up, his body is stiff and covered in sweat. He takes a shower and packs a bag. He does not bother with food as he dresses for the road. He doesn’t leave a note, doesn’t clean up the mess he made, just closes the door quietly and leaves.

The jounin stationed at the gates do not question him. He stops only when he reaches the valley. The sight of the empty hillsides, right where the statues used to stand makes his steps falter. He thinks of that first fight, of Naruto’s desperate attempt at stopping him, of the years that followed. He thinks of a night not so long ago, of Naruto’s quiet confession, _ “I don’t think I could handle you leaving again,” _ and his own, sure words, _ “I think you could handle anything.” _

He imagines Naruto coming home, a week from now, seeing it empty and knowing what Sasuke had done. He wonders if Naruto would chase him again, wonders what Sakura would say, after she had finally started to trust him again. He knows, deep down, that both she and Kakashi would try to talk Naruto into staying, and imagines it working, this time. Imagines Naruto staying in Konoha, becoming Hokage, and himself, somewhere in the world, alone again, this time with no purpose, no reason for leaving at all save for his baseless fears.

There is no Itachi anymore, no Madara, no great villains lurking in the shadows to take those he loves away from him, there is only himself. He closes his eyes, listening to the water bouncing off the stones, takes a deep breath and turns around.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was brought to you by the no plot gang
> 
> please dont forget to validate me on your way out


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